I feel hoooorrible, gaiz

I went to my aunt's party today, and while it was fun and nothing happened to make me feel bad, I feel like an alien around my family. I can't speak Spanish, I have to akwardly hug everyone and a few people I don't know, the only person who I can hang out with and have fun around is my 9 year old cousin who let me play his DS. And it makes me feel like real shit, my older cousin doesn't have that problem, not even Ronnie has it. It's probably something I got from mom, since she feels the same way. I feel some weird need for them to think I'm normal, and I think they do, but it's not convincing. I kinda feel like I'm letting them down for being... Not-Cristy. It's dumb, I knooow. And then there's the moving that's adding stress to this, I DON'T KNOW HOW, and like... Tomorrow we might be going to a church we were invited to. As if I don't feel judged and stared at enough.

I wish Layne was still on the phone (he was on the verge of vomiting from a bad hamburger), I'm kinda about to cry fsvhkjdfsvhsdfvjsdffvbdfgdsf.