I miss my best friend, you're gonna hear about it

Layne has been in basic training for a few days now, has texted us a few times and all is well for him. It makes me feel secure knowing he's not in a nest made of heroin, but here's where I turn on the water works: I MISS HIM.

Look at him and tell me you wouldn't be sad not having the chance to see that face for 6 months! It's making me feel all warm and fuzzy thinking about when he'll be back... He's a very important person to us. And for me, I wouldn't be who I am without him, it sounds kind of extreme but he got me into Sublime and Soundgarden, that's a big deal to me...

Not only those things, but that son of a bitch has been there for me nearly EVERY SINGLE TIME I NEEDED HIM. A few times he missed cause he was drunk or had his brain turned to mush over a girl, but he still gave a damn. I wouldn't have too much confidence without him, life would be boring, I would have nothing to look forward to as a 12 year old... He's so fucking fun to talk to, even when there's nothing to say (if anyone gets that extremely small pun, you get a cookie). In the early days when no one had responsibilities and when he first started at Sam Ash, we'd talk until fucking 5AM, sometimes one on one, sometime in our group. Those were memories staring at a computer, sure, but they make my heart burst with happy. And a few weeks ago, me and him talked on the phone until 7AM, and were on cam. We saw ourselves falling asleep and our voices couldn't hold up any more, and he still gave me a speech about confidence and not turning into anyone's door mat, and I wish I could thank him for that right now. Maybe when he comes back, I might just write something here.

But here's something, it's 5AM and I need to go to bed, I'm full of happy and an itchy head. I love Private Wiebalck to fucking death and nothing can get in the way of that, because that short cranky bastard is one in a million.

Yo Tashy!

Heeeeeeeeey! But no really. I'm glad that even after this weird angst month of stupid you're all still around. XD I love you all, and like stuff. It'll take a while for me to use common sense when this stuff comes up, but I have you all, so that helps alot...

Having raging hormones really sucks and stuff, ya know? No good decisions are made at 3AM, guys! I learned that the hard and embarassing way. XD Someone should take away my phone plan at night...

This apology, fucking accept it

It's almost 1AM and I spent two hours sobbing into a pillow because I realize how much of a hot headed, unpredictably moody person I am. No one likes that. And I've taken it out on my friends... That's not good, either. And for some reason, they don't like accepting my apologies, but I'm gonna do it again anyway.

Oh god, Lightning Crashes just came on... I'm gonna cry again... OK I'M ON A MISSION. I'm sorry, from the very bottom of my ugly, useless heart, I'm SORRY. ES OH AR AR WHY!

I've felt like waste because my twin isn't here, so I don't feel like I should be here either, especially with all the shit I cause. He/she'd be a much better friend and person, but the world just ain't right, so you're left with me. I'm pretty dumb, not talented with anything, and am not that fun to hang around with. But you guys stuck around anyway, god only knows why... And for some reason you're all loyal. To this dumbss loner. I don't know how you do that.

So like, everyday I think of all of you, because being said loner, who else am I gonna wanna be with? And here's the thing, I always convince myelf I've done something to upset you guys. It's dumb, but trust, you never wanna be in my brain when this happens. It. Sucks.

I dont like it, but if I feel like I've done anything to get you guys down, I need to fix it, so I go along with it. It doesn't make sense, but to me it's just how stuff goes. I don't know what it'll take to stop it, because goddamn I'm crazy, but it's not something to take out on anyone... A little help would be nice though, you know someone like me can't do it alone.

I love you all, please, for the love of Odin, just say "I forgive ya", not "YOU DON'T GOTTA BE SORRY LAWL". That is bullshit, sir. I don't deserve the loyalty.