ANOTHER RESPONCE LAWL!

Yeah uh, AJ calmed my ass down... But on to a new thing.

I've been fucking LONELY AS HELL and I don't like it. I had a meltdown at 5AM after a 20 second attempt at sleeping last night, and I have no idea why. I couldn't talk to anyone, cause everyone's gone. >_> It pisses me off, I'm always the kid with no one to be with. My friends have their actual friends and I'm stuck in my room, imagining how it would feel to run into a wall because I'm just that fucking frustrated. Always gotta be the lonely weird kid...

I hate everything, also, AAAAAAHNGST

On Friday I was unreasonably happy. I woke up jumping and everything was dandy out of my ass, this was a rare thing. I wondered how long it'd last, and it went well into last night. Which is good. Then I wake up today wanting to turn into Godzilla so I can smash everything with my feet, after realizing how kinda useless I am. I don't have to be posting this, but no one's on and I'm gonna lose it like I do every week, because that's what happens when my sugar supply gets cut off. So fuck this.

I have no niche, I run around my room all day doing nothing other than go online and play the same Zelda game for hours straight. I only come out of the cave to turn off the air or get food, but otherwise I don't do anything. I'm a waste, and everyone's sick of me never doing anything, but I dunno how to fix it. I'm pissed off or down most of the time and I get hounded on for it, and it takes forever to get Mr. Nona Shortness to get on a phone so I can get someone to listen, but he has his own shit going so I feel selfish.

The only place I have in any group is to be made the little kid and to be made fun of for being stupid and it's not gonna change anytime soon. That's the only entertainment I give anyone, so I eiter be a tight ass or let it happen so something kinda good comes out of being here.

Also, fuck everything.

I'm totally with Tash on the warning thing

It's so annoying. But uh, I got other things to discuss...

I just moved three days ago. The house is awesome, I got my own room, and the kitchen is nice. But honestly, I miss the fuck out of the old apartment. Even though I got no privacy and everything drove me crazy, and the dishwasher was broken as fuck, and stuff, I loved it. I lived there for seven years, and I found out who I was there. And I met my friends while living there. I had many fun nights staying up until 4AM in the living room watching Adult Swim, and it was a very cozy place. I almost regretted moving, since I also suggested it to my mom before we found out we could rent this place.

I'm being pathetic and staring at this picture I took of all the boxes laying around the old house, and honestly... That was when it was most comforting. I dunno, I listened to Soundgarden and Pink Floyd like crazy because it was reminding me of old times, and I knew that I wouldn't be there much longer and wanted it to be fun. But even then, I was starting to go through some emotional hell hole, and I still need to find a way to end it. I cried alot the first night we stayed here...

While I love my new room, I dunno if I'll be as happy here as I was over there.

Ooooooooow!!

uosfhoasfhaoiuhoiedoidshoidsggfsgfdg. I got my period, and this pain is ANNOYING AS FUCK. My stomach feels bloated as ever, I can't get rid of the gas, and my organs feel knotted up. I took a pain killer already but it's taking a while to work. So later I might go get some tea to see how that works. mdksAJAdhkjsfjkshkdsjffhkdsjhkdsj

I feel hoooorrible, gaiz

I went to my aunt's party today, and while it was fun and nothing happened to make me feel bad, I feel like an alien around my family. I can't speak Spanish, I have to akwardly hug everyone and a few people I don't know, the only person who I can hang out with and have fun around is my 9 year old cousin who let me play his DS. And it makes me feel like real shit, my older cousin doesn't have that problem, not even Ronnie has it. It's probably something I got from mom, since she feels the same way. I feel some weird need for them to think I'm normal, and I think they do, but it's not convincing. I kinda feel like I'm letting them down for being... Not-Cristy. It's dumb, I knooow. And then there's the moving that's adding stress to this, I DON'T KNOW HOW, and like... Tomorrow we might be going to a church we were invited to. As if I don't feel judged and stared at enough.

I wish Layne was still on the phone (he was on the verge of vomiting from a bad hamburger), I'm kinda about to cry fsvhkjdfsvhsdfvjsdffvbdfgdsf.

kdzhvjksdbvkdjdjkfbgdfbgf (I lack any source of penis, yay)

WHY IS MASTURBATING SO HARD!? <_< Seriously, I would like to know what goes on with my own vagina, it's complicated as fuck. You ladies sure know a thing or two.

THESE PICTURES OF ROBERT DOWNEY JR. DON'T HELP. D:

But, I gotta go to bed. Yeah. I'll complain to Tash later, good night.

I'm on the verge of a breakdown, so listen

My best friend is going off to the army in like, seven days. SEVEN FUCKING DAYS. And you know what happens? His computer breaks, so he's only able to log on to AIM on a friend's phone, and said phone sucks. But that's not the problem or reason (completely) as to why I'm about to rip my guts out.

I've been talking to him for two years. And in those two years, I met someone who changed my point of view to most things. A person who actually liked talking to me when I have problems. <.< Someone who tolerated me enough to actually call me their sister (when in the fuck does that happen? In my life, at least?). A person who introduced me to No Doubt and Sublime! A person who I call, a silly bitch, skank, man whore, near homosexual, short person, funny grungey, and most importently, my best friend and brother. QUE THE VIOLINS.

Ok ok, I'm very sappy. Extremely, I GOT IT FROM HIM GUYS. But when you're constantly talking to someone for a few years straight, telling them things you normally would never tell your own family, shit like this is gonna be hard. Especially since he'll be gone and come back when I'm 18. I'M 14. And then I have these questions I ask myself. Like, is he gonna change? Is he gonna forget us when he comes back, and never log in to tell us about shit that happened, or even care to see us? Will he turn into a grade A hillbilly who's racist? D:

I HOOOPE he reads this stuff, so he can answer my questions. Alas, he only has a phone to use. But when he logs in, I'll ask him... But I wanna talk to him really badly. I didn't really get to tonight, because all he had to talk about was almost getting arrested. And honestly... That would be slightly better than not seeing him for four years. <_<

Plus, we can't contact him when he's gone. He'll only be able to send letters, and since his computer went plop, HOW WILL HE KNOW MY ADDRESS!? I'll tell him tomorrow dsjbcsjdsjkcbnsksd.

BUT WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY; I'm going to miss him like a motherfucker, and will cry everytime I listen to Pearl Jam, because he reminds me of Eddie Vedder. <_< AND I will miss talking to him, AND I'll have no one to go to when I have problems, AND I'm being selfish, AND I will cry into my pillow everynight because I'm a mellodramatic freak. UGH I MISS HIM ALREADY.

Night, it;s 3AM. D8

Feminism, and why we aren't trying to kill off men (seriously, fucking stop with that shit)

Lemme explain something here; I am a Hole loving, enviornmentally causious, animal activist-y, women's right's fight-y, not-afraid-to-use-the-term-feminist person. You know why? The term feminist has been so raped up the ass, no one even knows what it meant it the first place and why it's importent. Because chicks didn't always have the right to go out wearing pants, saying what they felt, vote, divorce abusive husbands, have a say in how their lives would be. And this was only about 50 years ago. Then the wonderful 60's came, and us girlies wanted to be able to wear skirts that came up above the knees and have the right to not have to wear bras because the world somehow see's our bodies as offensive.

Listen, my body is not something you can tell me to cover up if I don't want to. Tits and ass, I have them. Accept it you damn crazies. <_> My vagina isn't going away, my boobs aren't gonna somehow always be covered for your protection from whatever the fuck, my ass is gonna be big and I will not change a THING to please any of you, just because it scares you. The hell.

Even in an age when people think that sexism, racism, and homophobia is basically gone... That's completely wrong. Chicks are still expected to be nice, quiet and not loud and to be a "respectful" girlfriend/wife that way. The blacks and Hispanics are accused of many crimes (I can't say that alot of the time it isn't true, though, just saying), and being bad people just for their backrounds. The gays and lesbians are still protested against by crazy radical reilgious folk who can't seem to understand that there are people on this earth other than wholesome white middle class families with blonde hair and blue eyes. The earth is still down the shitter, you see. But you knew that.

So where am I going with this? Everyone's ignoring this stuff because they think that, since it's not 1950 anymore, that there's no issues with being a chick anymore. Not a damn thing, ya'll!

WRONG MOTHERFUCKER! It may be just tid bits here and there that I'm pointing out, but here goes; Is it fair when a girl is raped, that she gets told that she was "asking for it" when she might've been wearing some skanky clothes? A women should be damn well be allowed to wear whatever the HELL she wants without having to worry about such crap. Is it right when a women isn't taken seriously because she has a vagina, or a big rack? Especially in corporate America. AND on the same issue, you'd be expected to color your hair, wear it pin straight, not look "too ethnic" and just normal enough for those good ol' hillbillies to not be afraid of you. I'm reading too much Jezebel, I know, but as I said: TIDBITS. Moving on, is it fair that a women gets called a whore/slut/skank/bitch because she likes sex and men, while when guys sleep with tons of women, they get high fives? The fuck is with that? If a chick wants to stick someone's dick inside her as much as a frat boy does with chicks, then she has every damn right to do whomever she wants without being called names.

But you know, women are expected to be pure lovely virgins until marriage, pop out tons of babies, be a stay at home mom and make dinner every night at 8PM and put the babies to bed. Yes, I am angry. Thank you for noticing.

Not to say that guys don't have issues with being born with a dick, but... Seriously. Go look at any middle eastern/Asian country, Latin America. You know what would happen if you were in any of those countries and expressed your thoughts on this stuff? Well, in the middle east, you'd be stoned to death. In Latin America, you'd probably get called names and assulted, I honestly don't know. In Asia, not too sure either. They'd probably just be weirded out.

But focusing on the middle east; WOMEN ARE COVERED IN HEAD TO TOE ROBES. I even saw a photo of a women and her husband swimming, and she was still in those clothes. The only thing you can see is her eyes. It's so frustrating, at least for me. We have all this sexism here still, but over there? Forget about it, FORGET IT. It infuriates the fuck outta me.

But you know whaaaat? People would rather just ignore it, because things like this are just too much for them to think about. Besides, you're in America, fuck the rest of the world, fuck other people, fuck anyone who isn't you, and fuck causes that need attention. Dude, in America, we may have problems, but we can complain about them and not do a damn thing to help! AWESOME, RIGHT!? HAR HAR HAR H-*shot*

I hate people. Reeeally, I do, minus a few. I want to help, and at the same time, I WANT TO SMACK YOU ALL. Kind of like an angry mother. But then again, I'm only 14, what the hell am I doing expressing my feelings? They're all gonna change when I'm older anyway, right? >_> Pffft.

I'm done. It's 1:40AM, dammit. And tomorrow's mother's day, gotta make egg's benedict for my mom. Night!

My frustration with sweatshops, cheap clothing, and the guilt of it all

So it's 5AM, and I have spent about three hours reading up on sweatshops and those faaaabulous Louis Vittoun knock offs my aunt has been buying since the beginning of time. I know almost everything we buy is made in China, Cambodia, India, EVERY FUCKING THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. But you know what? I think it has to stop. Yeeeeeeah. Although that really is impossible, at least people should look into these things and not support it.

Everytime I wanna buy a piece of clothing, I feel like I'm making some child's life in China worse or something. And ya know why? Because I am. Because everyone is, because for some reason we can't make our own damn clothes. Hell, even the designer stuff isn't completely made in Europe by tailors.

And honestly, I barely know anything about this subject. But it's been on my mind alot lately, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to help and what choices I have. I wanna learn to sew to make my own clothes, I wanna find small shops that make their clothes in America, I wanna find ways to help... I dunno how. It makes me feel hopeless, guilty, like I'm walking in a giant puddle of filth that the world has made for itself, and will not fix. In other words, happy 420 everyone, I'm a giant fucking hippie who everyone's gonna laugh at because I don't like buying stuff from China that's being made by childern who shouldn't be making our fucking clothes, DO YOU HEAR ME!?

... I feel alone on this issue. My dad already tells me "But everything's made in China, who cares?" I think if we had the choice, none of what we use would be made in those countries, especially not by people in dangerous conditions, who die from over working. It's kinda like how everyone shops are Wal-Mart, just because. Or how people use plastic bags when they go shopping because "I don't wanna be the weirdo with the tree hugger bags!"

Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. Listen, motherfuckers. These days, no one is buying shit, the economy, as everyone knows, is getting ass raped, and basically we're in a deep load of shit. But NO ONE FUCKING CAAAARES, right? Because you'd all rather watch what Paris Hilton is doing and wasting away your lives reading People magazine. And yes, I am seriously into this, to the point of looking like a fool because I'm sooooo into it, and like shit.

Everyone just thinks it's ok to live in the filth we made that should be fixed. Like, "Well, we can't do anything about it ahahahahahaaaaa", no bitch. You caaaaan, you CAAAAAAN!!!! Fuck.

Bottom line, get off your fucking asses and do something about it. It won't ever be completely fixed, of course, but we can do something to slow it down, possibly make changes so sweatshops actually become normal humane working places, and so people working in said factories can get good pay. See where I'm going with this? Loooovely, lovely.

So, now that I let that out, I'm gonna ask my mom to teach me how to sew... Once it's not 5AM anymore, of course. Nighty.

Time for me to complain about nothing.

OK. Hello assholes, it's Rach. I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT, and at the same time, EVERYTHING to say.

So like, eating cinnamon donuts maaaaay not be the best thing to eat, but fuck it. Ronnie would've eaten them all if I hadn't took 2 for myself. AND I STILL GOT ANOTHER HALF TO EAT. Craaazy, right? I need some cranberry juice, fuck this! Plus I'm listening to some crazy bitch from the Mars Volta sing in Spanish, so now I got constant farting problems. Good song, though. PLUS, I'm wearing a hair clip, which is pretty rare of me. Anyway.

Soooo, you know how liiiike, sometimes when good things happen to your friends, you get sorta pissed because you want that certain thing to happen to yooooou? Yeah, that shit is RAGING. I hate it. I'm a horrible cunt, but it happens. Sometimes you just gotta look in the mirror and say, "No, I will NOT live in a van down by the river, I will live in a pretenious artsy fuck of an apartment, painting my walls purple and scribbling cartoons all over them, WHILE QUIETLY EATING RAMEN. Shrimp flavor, too. Fuck beef." You know? I've had many, MANY, moments like that. In fact, they happens almost everyday, because suburban boredom is hard. You know? You knooooow? It really is. Because honestly, THIS IS AN APARTMENT COMPLEX, there's nothing to do. No front yard, only a parking lot with spics who can't drive. Yes, I'm a spic myself, don't get up in arms.

And the backyard is a nice lake, but my parents think that pedobear is gonna snatch me if I walk out there by myself, so blah. But dude, if I had my own rooooom, I'd have 10x more fun than I do now. I can haz privacy? No? Damn.

I still got a 1/4th of this donut... Should I eat it? My ass is cooking up a raging storm of fudge, I'm not sure if I should. Mmmm, just took a bite. It's yummy. But my ass is like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!". I DON'T CARE WHAT MY ASS THINKS. Unless it has diharrea, of course, then I have no choice. If diharrea was a choice, I'd like, ya know, not have it and stuff. But I don't get it often. I eat my fiber like a good girl! This house is ran by a bunch of raging hippies who use those re-usable grocery bags, I FUCKING SWEAR. It makes me feel importent or some shit, but even with the ego it gives me, everyone should use those. The landfills need a hug, guys.

Aaaaaaaand, I think I'm done for now. I'M GONNA GO SHIT AND DRINK SOYMILK. And then wish I had awesome hair like Omar Rodriguez. Seriously, that's the best afro I've ever seen.

Byyyyyye. *click*

PS: Finished that donut.