ANOTHER RESPONCE LAWL!

Yeah uh, AJ calmed my ass down... But on to a new thing.

I've been fucking LONELY AS HELL and I don't like it. I had a meltdown at 5AM after a 20 second attempt at sleeping last night, and I have no idea why. I couldn't talk to anyone, cause everyone's gone. >_> It pisses me off, I'm always the kid with no one to be with. My friends have their actual friends and I'm stuck in my room, imagining how it would feel to run into a wall because I'm just that fucking frustrated. Always gotta be the lonely weird kid...

I hate everything, also, AAAAAAHNGST

On Friday I was unreasonably happy. I woke up jumping and everything was dandy out of my ass, this was a rare thing. I wondered how long it'd last, and it went well into last night. Which is good. Then I wake up today wanting to turn into Godzilla so I can smash everything with my feet, after realizing how kinda useless I am. I don't have to be posting this, but no one's on and I'm gonna lose it like I do every week, because that's what happens when my sugar supply gets cut off. So fuck this.

I have no niche, I run around my room all day doing nothing other than go online and play the same Zelda game for hours straight. I only come out of the cave to turn off the air or get food, but otherwise I don't do anything. I'm a waste, and everyone's sick of me never doing anything, but I dunno how to fix it. I'm pissed off or down most of the time and I get hounded on for it, and it takes forever to get Mr. Nona Shortness to get on a phone so I can get someone to listen, but he has his own shit going so I feel selfish.

The only place I have in any group is to be made the little kid and to be made fun of for being stupid and it's not gonna change anytime soon. That's the only entertainment I give anyone, so I eiter be a tight ass or let it happen so something kinda good comes out of being here.

Also, fuck everything.

RIP Rick Wright

Rick Wright, keyboard player for Pink Floyd, has died from a short battle to cancer. He was 65 years old, and lemme tell you a bit of something, coming from a fan who cried her fucking ass off.

When I started listening to Pink Floyd around the age of 11, 12, they amazed me like nothing I heard before. At the time, we only had, obviously, Dark Side of the Moon. And as I listened to that album constantly, my favorite songs were Us and Them, and The Great Gig in the Sky. Great Gig was like this misty enchanting melodic escape for me, and made my imagination jump off walls, and gives me great memories of playing Zelda while listening to Dark Side.

As I got more albums, I became a bigger fan. Atom Heart Mother was the greatest album ever recorded in my book when I was 13, and Summer 68, sung by Rick, was... I dunno. I can't even think up words, that song just means alot to me and reminds me of old times when I would stay up with all the lights off, listening to the album, thinking about forests and all that... Because of Zelda games. YES I LISTEN TO FLOYD WITH ZELDA, it's a wonderful combo, like beer and cigarettes to everyone else I know.

And lately, I've been listening to Relics, a CD with mostly B-sides and some songs off Piper. Paintbox is also sung by Rick, and I listened to it, sobbing, just a while ago. I screamed "Goddammit!" into a towel while snot got all over my face. Without his keyboards or vocals, the warm feeling that Floyd gives me would be lost. He was key to their sound and was the heart of it all. And dammit, may he rest in peace and see his friend Syd again.

Rick, you were a genius, and I miss you like you can't imagine.

I'm totally with Tash on the warning thing

It's so annoying. But uh, I got other things to discuss...

I just moved three days ago. The house is awesome, I got my own room, and the kitchen is nice. But honestly, I miss the fuck out of the old apartment. Even though I got no privacy and everything drove me crazy, and the dishwasher was broken as fuck, and stuff, I loved it. I lived there for seven years, and I found out who I was there. And I met my friends while living there. I had many fun nights staying up until 4AM in the living room watching Adult Swim, and it was a very cozy place. I almost regretted moving, since I also suggested it to my mom before we found out we could rent this place.

I'm being pathetic and staring at this picture I took of all the boxes laying around the old house, and honestly... That was when it was most comforting. I dunno, I listened to Soundgarden and Pink Floyd like crazy because it was reminding me of old times, and I knew that I wouldn't be there much longer and wanted it to be fun. But even then, I was starting to go through some emotional hell hole, and I still need to find a way to end it. I cried alot the first night we stayed here...

While I love my new room, I dunno if I'll be as happy here as I was over there.

I feel hoooorrible, gaiz

I went to my aunt's party today, and while it was fun and nothing happened to make me feel bad, I feel like an alien around my family. I can't speak Spanish, I have to akwardly hug everyone and a few people I don't know, the only person who I can hang out with and have fun around is my 9 year old cousin who let me play his DS. And it makes me feel like real shit, my older cousin doesn't have that problem, not even Ronnie has it. It's probably something I got from mom, since she feels the same way. I feel some weird need for them to think I'm normal, and I think they do, but it's not convincing. I kinda feel like I'm letting them down for being... Not-Cristy. It's dumb, I knooow. And then there's the moving that's adding stress to this, I DON'T KNOW HOW, and like... Tomorrow we might be going to a church we were invited to. As if I don't feel judged and stared at enough.

I wish Layne was still on the phone (he was on the verge of vomiting from a bad hamburger), I'm kinda about to cry fsvhkjdfsvhsdfvjsdffvbdfgdsf.

I'm on the verge of a breakdown, so listen

My best friend is going off to the army in like, seven days. SEVEN FUCKING DAYS. And you know what happens? His computer breaks, so he's only able to log on to AIM on a friend's phone, and said phone sucks. But that's not the problem or reason (completely) as to why I'm about to rip my guts out.

I've been talking to him for two years. And in those two years, I met someone who changed my point of view to most things. A person who actually liked talking to me when I have problems. <.< Someone who tolerated me enough to actually call me their sister (when in the fuck does that happen? In my life, at least?). A person who introduced me to No Doubt and Sublime! A person who I call, a silly bitch, skank, man whore, near homosexual, short person, funny grungey, and most importently, my best friend and brother. QUE THE VIOLINS.

Ok ok, I'm very sappy. Extremely, I GOT IT FROM HIM GUYS. But when you're constantly talking to someone for a few years straight, telling them things you normally would never tell your own family, shit like this is gonna be hard. Especially since he'll be gone and come back when I'm 18. I'M 14. And then I have these questions I ask myself. Like, is he gonna change? Is he gonna forget us when he comes back, and never log in to tell us about shit that happened, or even care to see us? Will he turn into a grade A hillbilly who's racist? D:

I HOOOPE he reads this stuff, so he can answer my questions. Alas, he only has a phone to use. But when he logs in, I'll ask him... But I wanna talk to him really badly. I didn't really get to tonight, because all he had to talk about was almost getting arrested. And honestly... That would be slightly better than not seeing him for four years. <_<

Plus, we can't contact him when he's gone. He'll only be able to send letters, and since his computer went plop, HOW WILL HE KNOW MY ADDRESS!? I'll tell him tomorrow dsjbcsjdsjkcbnsksd.

BUT WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY; I'm going to miss him like a motherfucker, and will cry everytime I listen to Pearl Jam, because he reminds me of Eddie Vedder. <_< AND I will miss talking to him, AND I'll have no one to go to when I have problems, AND I'm being selfish, AND I will cry into my pillow everynight because I'm a mellodramatic freak. UGH I MISS HIM ALREADY.

Night, it;s 3AM. D8