Fancy

WTF! Dude I just used the word "fancy" in a sentence to Rachel. I am not English. Not that it matters but I think I'm picking up too much of the English manner of speaking. I like it. It's more...trilling than American English. American is very grotesque. I love elegance.

I also propose that I learn Latin, Italian, French, Romanian and Russian. Possibly Greek, but that may be too many. :) We'll see where life takes me. I MUST see Vladivostok, Russia. I don't entirely know why, but I think it will be beautiful. I also have the desire to feel Russian penis. So this must happen BEFORE or in between relationships.

Man, I need to learn to trust and how to be social. I'm always so tired at the end of the day and have no motivation. I'd rather sleep most of the time. I think I'm frightened of something, but I don't know what. As far as dating, I pretend like this wall of trust (this is like that metal wall that the Doctor in that episode with the Slitheen trying to blow up Downing Street comes down and seals the room from attack) doesn't exist. It doesn't become active until I get into the relationship (usually the whore in me gets me into a relationship, it's really bad I know). I'm truly like this super shy chick who has this inner whore that's always screaming to get out. I rarely let it out. Twice this happened. I don't regret it, don't get me wrong. What's the point in regretting any experience, it's an experience and you learn from it. But yes, this is my problem. I hate it.

Ok I shall be done now.

Наташа (Natasha)